Think You Can’t Handle the Feedback? Try This Instead

Feedback is tough, especially the kind that catches you off guard. When it lands wrong, it can feel personal and triggering. For this reason, handling feedback is just as important as giving it. Your reaction shapes how others see you and influences whether you’ll grow from the experience.

That’s where we come in. NextArrow knows that learning to handle feedback is a skill, and we teach it every day.

What to Do When You Can’t Handle the Feedback

If feedback makes you tense up, shutdown, or go on defense, you’re not alone. The good news is that there are simple ways to shift your reaction in the moment. Here’s how:

Ask a Clarifying Question

It’s hard to process vague feedback. When someone says, “You’re not proactive enough,” your mind might race with frustration or confusion. Instead of reacting, pause and ask for clarity:

 “Can you help me understand what you mean by not being proactive enough?”

 This turns your focus from self-protection to learning and helps the other person explain their perspective more clearly.

ZIP IT!

Interrupting is one of the fastest ways to shut down feedback, and it’s usually driven by discomfort. Use our simple trick to stop yourself:

ZIP IT = Zoom In, Person Is Talking.

Silently repeat this phrase to stay grounded. It keeps your attention on the speaker instead of your internal reactions. The more present you are, the easier it becomes to hear feedback with curiosity instead of fear.

State Your Intention

If your first instinct is to say, “But…,” try this instead.

 First, reflect back what you heard:

 “I heard you say XYZ. Did I get that right?”

Once they confirm, you can share your side without sounding combative. Try:

 “Can I offer a little context? I want to make sure we’re looking at the full situation so we can figure out how to prevent this next time.”

This approach shows that you're interested in learning and solutions–not just defending yourself.

Label Your Feelings

Sometimes, feedback hits a nerve, and you shut down. You might feel overwhelmed, blindsided, or just plain hurt. When that happens, use affect labeling.

Say to yourself, “I’m feeling anxious,” or “That caught me off guard.” Naming your emotions helps you regulate them. To avoid getting caught off guard again, ask for feedback regularly and let others know how you prefer to receive it. For example, you might request feedback in writing ahead of a conversation. This way, you have time to reflect.

Practice These Skills and Shift the Conversation

You can’t stop feedback from coming your way, but you can choose how you respond to it. Once you start applying these tools, you’ll find that feedback feels less like an attack and more like a chance to improve.

NextArrow teaches practical strategies like these in our workshops, leadership coaching, and one-on-one coaching sessions. Our interactive programs blend behavioral skills with cognitive tools so leaders, managers, and teams can develop in real, lasting ways.

We personalize each session for your team and can support up to 30 participants per workshop. Let’s show the people around you that you can handle the feedback. Contact us today.